We live in a heads down society. We fail to notice simple things. We jump from one thing to the next and back again, and not because we choose to, but because we've convinced ourselves we should. We look away from things we don't agree with, often without the courage to even think about why we feel that way.
But our failings (not being present, not standing up, not being unique), are not simply problems with society. They're problems with us as individuals. They come from our failure to truly live with ourselves.
Ages ago, I was listening to Glenn Beck's radio show and he said something about how we don't have enough silence in our lives. About how we fill every waking minute with music and podcasts and tv, and can go a whole day without one moment just to be in our own minds. He made the conclusion that, often, we're afraid of what we'll start to hear if we just listen to ourselves.
Since then, I've always been conscious about being quiet. When I'm busy or stressed out, my skull starts to feel like walls. I feel like I can't even see all the way around me. And the mental noise is trapped and blocking all real thought. I've always tried to do things to stop it. I drive without the radio on. I journal before bed. I go for a walk, or sit and quietly drink coffee.
And I used to feel such relief from that. I'd figure out a next step, or decide what I actually thought about a situation. But lately, the silence almost makes it worse.
I'm a chronic over-thinker. It's a 'green' and INFJ thing. I can get so caught up in little details that I completely disable myself from doing anything. I think I've taken the silence-thing too far. Rather than calming the noise, I've turned it into a way to over-analyze.
The original point of craving silence wast to learn to live with myself. Because silly as it sounds, most people do not truly live with themselves. They live with shells and squashed emotions and failure to even understand what they want and believe. And I hope I never resemble that.
To live with ourselves, we have to get beyond the noise of the world. We have to hear our hearts and chase what they beat for. We have to harness our minds to create and innovate. We have to listen to our guts, our intuition, and know what we find right. And good. And just.
To live with ourselves we must be able to see the world as it is, not how it's been presented to us. And we must confidently share what we actually see. We must realize that we are Big, and Capable, but also so, so small. And surrounded by energy and faith and a higher power that we could never start to fathom.
And to live with ourselves, we must beat our own noise. We must locate that chatter of doubt and worry and self-loathing and unjust guilt and squish it and wipe it away. Because while overthinking is a part of me, I've learned that it also inhibits who I really am.
We must get beyond the noise. And connect with every essence of ourselves.
Happy Saturday! xoxo